I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Randomize
