the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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