I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
