WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
