i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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