if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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