apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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