You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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