So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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