i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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