My boss' voice literally gives me gas
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
