It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
