Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
