I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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