Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
