I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
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His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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