I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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