end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
