I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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