take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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