She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
