We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
