Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I miss vodka workout Fridays
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
