Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
