Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
