y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
