Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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