im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
