So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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