allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Randomize