I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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