Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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