Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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