The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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