She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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