We're facebook friends in real life
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Randomize
