please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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