my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
vagina is talking i cant
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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