Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
my phone needs a breathalizer
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
