apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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