if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
