guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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