My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
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