I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
