Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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