this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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