And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
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