U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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