we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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