talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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