just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
