i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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