I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
