I just cut my nipple shaving
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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