I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize