i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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