im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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