Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
