just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
