If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize