his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
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And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
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Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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