Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
