question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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