Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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