I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
