C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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