go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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