I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
