george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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