She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
