Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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