I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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