Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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