I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
