Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Randomize
