He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
