how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
