If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
