I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
