I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
He kissed a someone with a penis
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
