you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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