I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
