you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Randomize
