I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
