Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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