Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
